My daughter is going to see her dad soon. He and I are divorced and he lived about 2,000 miles away from us. Every other major holiday and every summer, she flies to spend time with her dad. It's time again for her to go visit him for the summer.
She normally goes for 7 weeks, but this year she will only be visiting for 5 1/2 weeks. I am happy and sad at the same time about this. Of course I'm happy to have my daughter for a longer period of time this summer. Most summers I have one week in June and a week and a half in August with her. I am so happy to have more time with her. We've never had a real summer break together, so this summer I have been trying to make it as great as I can!
My daughter went to summer day camp for the first time this year. I remember some of my best summer memories being at summer day camp. I'm so glad that she got to experience this. She wants to go back when she gets back from her dad's house. I'm so happy that I have the extra time with her so that she could do this!
We've gone to movies, gone to theme parks, gone out for ice cream, and had lots of play dates. This is something we don't normally get to do in the time between school getting out and her flying to visit her dad. We don't normally have time for these things because we have to shift from school mode to travel mode so quickly. I am so happy that I have gotten a chance to experience what summer is to her!
It makes me sad that she is going for less time, too, though. I want her to have a good relationship with her dad. I want her to really know him. I realize how important it is for a daughter to have a father in her life. At the same time, I am not ignorant to the challenges posed by the distance between our homes. If she sees him for a few weeks in the summer and on alternating holidays..... is that enough? Will she get to know him? Will he get to know her? These are things I worry about.
I recognize the emotional hole that is left in a fatherless daughter and, while I thankfully am not the parent of a fatherless daughter, I worry about how much of an impact he does or does not have on her life. I want her to have the feeling that her dad is always there, is her protector, is her provider. When the time comes for her to get married someday, I want her to know her dad well enough to ask him to walk her down the isle. I'm by no means saying that she doesn't know her dad - she does. I just worry.
I also want her to have a clear idea of what to look for in a husband. I want her to look for a husband who is emotionally present, can provide for her emotionally and financially, and loves God. Little girls get their first view of their husbands from their fathers. What will she learn from hers if she only sees him a few weeks out of each year? If she talked to him regularly or did video chats, this may not be as much of a concern, but unfortunately this doesn't happen.
Aside from that, my daughter has a half sister in Illinois. Unfortunately, my ex husband and his girlfriend broke up recently, so the half sister no longer lives with him. I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her sister. I want them to grow up knowing each other. I loved the relationship that my daughter had with her "stepmom" (as she called her). I hope that that relationship continues.
I know that it is only a week and a half less than usual, but that's 32 less meals that they will eat together. That's 10 less times that she will be tucked into bed by her dad and 10 less times she will wake up feeling secure and loved in his home. This is 252 less hours together; 15,120 minutes less; 907,200 seconds less; countless memories less. I want her to be with me as much as possible, of course, but that is a purely selfish desire. I don't want her to live with him full time. I don't even necessarily want her to visit more often. I'm not really sure what I want. I just know that my heart aches for her.
