Diary of a Pissed Off White Chick

Remember that movie a few years back called “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”??? Well… here’s the diary of a pissed off white chick… or am I allowed to say that? Maybe it would be better for me to say that this is the diary of an unhappy Caucasian female. Anyway… here it is.




Since when is it bad for a woman to be strong? Since when is it bad to be smart? Since when does being a submissive wife apply to people who are not married? And… for that matter… when does being submissive equate to being weak?



My entire life I have been taught to be strong, to speak my mind, to absorb all of the knowledge that is made available to me, and to never be sorry for who I am. Because I have wonderful parents who have made sure that I learned this lesson very early on in life, these things come naturally to me. Granted, this took some fine tuning. When I was a teenager this “strong woman” attitude often missed its mark. I would show attitude when maybe I shouldn’t have, I would speak up when it was inappropriate, I disrespected people that deserved my respect. As I got older, I learned how to communicate my opinions in a better way.



Now comes the pissed off part. Now, I know I don’t normally get very personal in my blog. I do that on purpose. No one wants to read about my woes. No one wants to hear me talk about what pisses me off or about all of the negative details of my personal life. Today, though, I’m going to do exactly the opposite of what I normally do. This is, after all, my blog… I can do what I want, right?



Most of you know I went through a breakup last week. To be honest, the breakup wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. By the time I actually said the words to him it was incredibly clear that this was the right thing to do. Because it was so clear, there wasn’t as much pain involved. There was no “what if” feeling.



Yesterday he called me up to tell me that he was sorry and that he never wanted things to turn out this way. We actually had a very nice talk about the events that lead up to our breakup. I knew we wouldn’t be getting back together, but I felt like this was a good talk that allowed us both a bit of closure.



Ready for this? Here it comes…. At the end of the conversation he said to me that he thinks I’m very smart and that he feels that I am a strong woman and I’m never going to change. I confirmed to him that he was absolutely right – I wasn’t ever going to change. That is who I am and I like who I am. I told him that I wasn’t going to change that about myself and that I would never dumb myself down for him or for anyone else.



Think that was bad? It gets better! After that, he said to me “Katie: that is not God’s intention for your life.” SERIOUSLY?!?! First of all, how does he know what God’s intention is for my life? Second, since when does God not appreciate strong intelligent women? What about Ruth? What about Mary Magdalene? What about Sarah? Hannah? Abigail? Esther? All of these women were strong, capable, intelligent, and spoke their minds. Of the women that I have listed that were married were all obediently submissive to their husbands.



God’s plan for me is not for me to be weak. It is not for me to be stupid. God’s plan for me is yet to be seen in its entirety. If I marry again someday, his plan will involve me being submissive to my husband. This does not mean that I will need to dumb myself down or become weak. This does not mean that I will need to go against my gut. This means that, if the time comes, I will discuss issues with my future husband and raise any objections that I have. We will discuss issues like the intelligent adults that we are and when the time comes to make a decision I will obediently follow my husband.



Submission is a choice. If it weren’t, it would be something that is done out of stupidity, ignorance, or apathy. To assume that as a woman my position in life is to be meek is offensive! Like I said, I don’t often make these about negative things in my personal life, but this time was a little over the top. Thank God not all men are like this! I suppose the one good thing that came out of this outrageous conversation is that I now have a great lesson to teach my daughter someday. So there it is: my diary. My pissed off, totally raw, unapologetic diary.